This thing we call death and what we do about it.

I believe that life is about letting go; letting go of things like materialism, ego, fear, resentments, blame of others, loathing of self, and any belief that separates us from one another.  And our last letting go will be that last breath which we then call death.

Beyond that, I will not speculate.  But I will tell you what I suspect.  Because hope always arises daily amongst our failures, losses and short falls, I suspect that death will rise up with a continued consciousness with no end to the river of life; even without another breath.

I have a dear friend who has confided in me that she sincerely believes that she will not die, contrary to the experience of those she has known.  She does not celebrate any birthdays since this would be an admission of a beginning and for her, since there is no beginning, there is no end, no death, no beyond; just eternity now. 

For myself, this barking body would lead me to believe that it will yet have its way with me.  Besides, the evidence that life is liquid and impermanent at every turn makes me admit that I have little influence over this mortal temple even with the “green smoothies” and ginger root that I drink daily from my Vita Mix. 

At an early age, I thought cremation seemed the most natural of ways to deal with death.  But my parents were critical of such a view and felt it unnatural.  And like their church, it was thought that it was not allowing the body to return to its original form of “dust to dust”.  But what is so natural about embalming the body with formaldehyde, placing it in a metal box which is hermetically sealed and then placing that box in a cement box in the ground? 

Reminds me of the young boy who went to church and learned that Adam was made from the dust of the earth and that when he died, he returned to dust.  When the young man arrived home, he turned to his mom and said; “Mom, there is a man under my bed but I don’t know if he is coming or going.”

Ultimately, it would seem that it is the intent of the living that determines if what we do with the body is a form of defilement or not.  Allow me to offer an example.  When Gandhi died, as a beloved soul he was cremated and his ashes spread on each of the rivers in India and some of his ashes are kept in various areas of India that he may be with us all to this day.  Ironically, when Eichmann was captured, tried and hung by Israel for his atrocities to mankind in World War II, he too was cremated and his ashes spread at sea so that he could never have any peace.   

With either way or means, I really don’t care; for me it is all a case of mistaken identity anyway since I am not my body.   Today, I believe the lesser of two evils is cremation and hopefully with what the wife saves in costs, she can book a cruise through the inner passage to Alaska with a room that has a balcony.  I would like that for her.  Better yet, maybe I should pay for the cremation now and then I can go on that cruise with her.  Surprisingly, I learned the majority of burials in my state are cremation.

However, my real preference is to lay the body out on the dinning room table as I have seen done in Argentina for friends and family to visit and to show their kids what death looks like.  Then wrap the body in my favorite area rug I like that is in the dinning room so Beth can later go to Lowes and get a new rug to go with her seasonal changes of the house.  And I would hope that each of my sons would go to the Dollar Store and buy something made of plastic like whirligigs that would last at least a thousand years and wrap it up with the body so that when some archaeologist runs across the burial, he will be completely flummoxed wondering what the hell kind of traditions we had in our day.

Karen Dinesen, a Danish author, whose writings spawned the movie Out of Africa, once wrote; “God made the earth round so that we cannot always see where we are going and our final destination.”   And while death’s final breath can be anticipated, it cannot be predicted for when and how.  So we return to our breath right now and again let go of our contemplating, ruminating, and conceptualizing what might happen beyond the breath.  Because that is how life is lived, one breath at a time.

"this is the only day I have, let me use it to best advantage."                                 Ayya Khemma

A Case of Self-lessness, A DooLittle Raider

While we publicly honor and remember the acts of heroism in war on our behalf, yet it is the private quiet acts of self-lessness that touches my heart even more; acts that we can all do on a daily basis for those around us.  This article was especially noteworthy.

As 2013 began, there were five living Raiders; then, in February, Tom Griffin passed away at age 96.

The name may be familiar to those of you who regularly readthis column; in 2011, 

What a man he was. After bailing out of his plane over a mountainous Chinese forest after the Tokyo raid, he became ill with malaria, and almost died. When he recovered, he was sent to Europe to fly more combat missions. He was shot down, captured, and spent 22 months in a German prisoner of war camp.

The selflessness of these men, the sheer guts ... there was a passage in the Cincinnati Enquirer obituary for Mr. Griffin that, on the surface, had nothing to do with the war, but that emblematizes the depth of his sense of duty and devotion:

"When his wife became ill and needed to go into a nursing home, he visited her every day. He walked from his house to the nursing home, fed his wife and at the end of the day brought home her clothes. At night, he washed and ironed her clothes. Then he walked them up to her room the next morning. He did that for three years until her death in 2005."

How Many Me’s Are There?

The Ego would have us believe that there is a “me” that is unique, special, and gives purpose to our lives.But is that really true?  And do we really need a “me” to make sense of our lives?  It kinda runs counter to our other efforts to become “selfless” in our service to others.  And the paradox teaching of Jesus when he said,  “He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.”  How important am “I”?  And what must I say or do to affirm my value or how many people need know me to confirm the “me”?  The social media of Facebook and Tweeting and You-tube would have us believe that being heard and seen offers us greater self importance and American Idol it’s pinnacle. 

Here is my premise.  There are many “me’s”.  And there is no just one me.  Our lives constantly evolve and unfold and that to define ourselves by some past bad or good experience is futile and just plain an illusion. Life is fluid and not solid.  Like a kaleidoscope, every changing moment and turning event is different and we are never the same.  Our self importance lies elsewhere. 

With laughter, I love to read the story in John chapter 9 of the bible where Jesus heals a blind man and then the town cannot figure out who the blind man is now.  They cross examine the man, then his parents, and then again the man.  And he kept telling them, “It is me!  It is me!”.

The neighbors therefore, and they which before had seen him that he was blind, said, Is not this he that sat and begged?Some said, This is he: others said, He is like him: but he said, I am he.   John 9

Some years ago I sat across the table  at a family dinner from a favorite cousin with whom I had spent a lot of my teen years.  He hadn't  a clue who I was.  Half way through the meal he was shocked to learn it was “me”.  Where was the “me” that he knew twenty years before?  So I must ask; if the “me” is constantly changing, which “me” is really “me”?  I don’t say this to confuse anyone.  I raise the point to suggest spending any time in thought and energy trying to invent or reinvent who we are is wasted.  All part of the illusion that Ego would have us believe.  Just about the the time we decide we can define who we are, it changes.  Again!

One of my favorite movies is The Natural with Robert Redford and Glen Close.  Redford plays the role of a young aspiring baseball player that wants to be known as “the best that there ever was.”  But that dream was destroyed when he was shot by a strange woman.  Sixteen years later, he is still haunted by the loss of this goal that would have affirmed the “me” he always wanted to be.  

In a scene in the hospital where Redford is lamenting his loss of the “me” he always wanted to be, Glen Close gives a wise and telling response to Redford’s self-pity.  She says, “I believe we are all given two lives.  The one we learn with and then the one we live with afterwards.”  Only later does Redford learn that Close had given birth to his son and then had gone about the work of raising a beautiful son in a self-less manner for the past sixteen years. 

For a long time, I bought into this “two lives” concept.  But now I realize that it is much much bigger than just two lives.  There are many ‘me’s”; hundreds, if not thousands; and defining that “me” loses all importance.  That letting go process allows us to Be Here Now and celebrate the true gift of being alive and sharing it with one another.  It changes our daily experience.  And the wisdom we gain and the path we walk in Being Nobody & Going Nowhere, leads us on the most noble exciting discovery and journey of all.

Trick or Treat as a Metaphor for Life

I believe our early child hood experiences with Trick or Treating can be seen as a vivid

comparison to our adult day to day living.  We can become so engrossed in the accumulating process that we miss the delight in being here right now.  I am sure there is a thrill felt in running from house to house collecting ever more candy.  And the strategy of which neighborhood to ring and how late to go and how many houses we can visit as the evening draws to a close. 

It is with a sympathetic smile and chuckle that I recall one of my sons in his younger days racing from house to house with a pillow case, hoping to fill it before the night was done; only to find but a half dozen pieces of candy at the bottom of his sack.  Later he realized his pillow case had a hole that spilled his treasures as he ran. 

The years have passed and neither I nor my sons go out Trick or Treating on Halloween.  And I now wonder if we have gained any more wisdom from those earlier experiences.  Do we still revel in the thrill of accumulating?  Do we still collect and store candy in our sock drawer?  Or have we decided that we have ENOUGH. 

With a wiser understanding of what is GRATITUDE and what is GREED; I would like to think that if I went Trick or Treating, I would go without a bag.  I would ring the doorbell and holler “Trick-er-Treat” with glee and hold out my hand for a treat.  Then I would go to the curb and sit down and enjoy the treat.  Hopefully after four or five more houses, I would go home and say “Boy, was that a lot of fun. And those people sure were generous and kind.” And if I was a really great dad, I would go with my sons and show by example how to cherish the experience rather than how to "get more".

Now I know that sounds pretty ridiculous and even stupid to some.  Yet our daily human experience is predicated on what we believe the world is like.  Abundance or scarcity.  Enough or lack.  And we continue to act out on those very beliefs.  We can be tricked into believing that we need to run faster, do more, and get more. 

But the treat is Life.  Right here, right now.  And oh what a treat it is.

Forty years ago, I sang in a men’s choir and we would open our performances with this song.  And now the lyrics keep coming back to me, reminding me of real gift of life which is life itself.

Look to this day:For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence.
The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendor of achievement
Are but experiences of time. 

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision;
And today well-lived, makes
Yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well therefore to this day;
Such is the salutation to the ever-new dawn 

Lobbing Grenades and NASCAR Thinking

It seems I always learn something from the experiences that my sons have and share with me.  I try to listen closely to their tales.  One son was going through Marine boot camp and was on the training field for throwing grenades.  Apparently there is a very specific protocol to throwing grenades effectively.  And this is one of those specific times when “mindfulness” in training is especially important.  Just going through the motions doesn't always work.  More is required.  And this is what my son suddenly realized as he was holding a live grenade.  Without any further thought he heaved it out and away with it culminating with an explosion in an area that was NOT expected by the instructor who yelled, “Where the hell were you aiming?”  To which he replied, “I wasn't aiming, sir.  I just got rid of it.”

The mind is an amazing tool in our lives.  Unlike the body which needs to be fed two or three times a day, the mind requires to be fed constantly.  We are continuously feeding the mind information to analyze, evaluate, and judge.  This leads some to believe that they can “multi-task” efficiently.  Recently I heard of a driver who was driving with his knees and texting on two different cell phones, simultaneously.  What this really reflects is a “racing mind”.  Like Star Trek, this is a mind going at warp speed and spinning out of control.  Sometimes I refer to such thinking as NASCAR thinking.  Racing at 200 miles per hour and going nowhere but in circles and processing the same tape loops over and over.  And we end up just lobbing grenades everywhere with no known aim or direction.

There is a way out of the box of the racing-mind.  We can indeed take noble control of our minds and slow it down.  Vipassana meditation teaches how to do that with breathe awareness.  It helps us come back to NOW and this moment in time and not to dwell in the future fears and concerns.  We can rehearse the future so much that we lose this moment and change the human experience that we are so concerned about being in control.  In all our mental contriving about what is going to happen next, we can stop the flow of goodness already coming our way.  Soon, we are just lobbing grenades.  Mark Twain understood this toward the end of his life when he said;

“I have had many trying and difficult problems in my life. 

Most of which never happened.”

Yesterday I had a doctor’s appointment at 1 p.m.  We arrived early and left after 3 p.m.  We started our wait in the waiting room, then to one exam room and then shuttled to yet another exam room.  Along the way, we learned that the lab work they wanted last week was not done.  It seemed like someone was just lobbing grenades since last Friday. 

I find this is the best time to practice my breathe awareness.  It can be helpful.  And when finally the visit with the doctor came, our time proved worthwhile.  As my wife and I left the exam room, the doctor shook my hand and put his hand on my shoulder and wished me goodness in his comments.  That usually doesn't happen in my office visits.  I suspect practice of the now may well have affected the visit verses having a racing mind after two hours of waiting.  Besides, who wants to be lobbing grenades all day?   

Whatever harm a foe may do to foe,

or hater unto one he hates.

The ill-directed mind indeed

can do one greater harm.

Dhammapada 42