WHY I WRITE

I am sure there are many good and valid explanations of why I write. Some days the reasons for writing will be different than others. Yet part of the reason I write is a Catch-Up Game. I am struggling to crack the code in how women who have lived with a man for a few years already know what they are thinking.

As scary a thought as that might be, yet the realization of the veracity of that statement is put to me again and again. As an example, Anna LaMonte's book, "Blue Shoe" became a page turner for me by page five. I could not stop reading. That is because she was describing ME. Like a mirror held uncomfortably too close to my face, I am challenged to be "ruthlessly honest" as it says in the Big Book.

I tried to read it aloud to my now new wife of twenty plus years but I am laughing too hard for her to make any sense of my words.

The punchline is massacred and the humor is lost among my rippling waves of infectious laughter. So we just laugh for the sake of laughing. Sadly, as a comedian I must admit defeat and let the audience read it for themselves and hope they find it as hilarious as I did.

In her book, Anna describes an ex-husband who comes to pick up the children from his ex-wife.

"… As it was, he took them most weekends, often late on Saturday morning, then dropped them off Sunday nights with an air of weary heroism like a firefighter returning the engine to the firehouse after a particular difficult outing."

As I read this, I wondered, are all men as transparent to women as I must be? Apparently so. Too often my wife will be holding in hand outstretched the object of my  search without ever asking what I needed. And then comment with pride as she walks away, "I know your every thought!"

Between her and God I don't stand a chance. Omniscience is a terrible thing to live with on a daily basis. I am not even Catholic yet I feel the need to offer some Hail Mary's before returning home from a night out with the boys. Upon my return I am wishing there was some form of Mind-Shield to protect me . Thankfully, women can be far more forgiving yet not necessarily forgetting. 

So for me? I write. And I continue to write to learn what I am thinking. My wife doesn't write because she already knows what I am thinking.

You Don't Know Beans until You Have Cook Them This Way!

Cooking with Beans

I like beans. Over the years I have learned a lot about how to cook beans and their care. If your goal is to have a mean pot of beans or a tasty cup of bean soup, you may well want to consider some of the following concepts concerning the handling and cooking of beans.

Washing, Cleaning, and Sorting Beans

It is a common practice and tradition in Mexico and South America to assign the task of preparing the beans to the younger children. As I watched closely what they were doing, I realized that they not only sorted out stones, sticks, and other debris, but also tossed any broken or half shelled beans. Also, as they were washed in water, any floaters would be tossed.

This is important as beans contained 15 to 18% protein and a damaged bean can spoil the flavor and taste in a pot of beans. If we were making applesauce, we would not want to include an apple badly bruised for fear it would affect the flavor and taste of the applesauce. It is no different with beans.

Nowadays, the mechanical cleaning process is very good. We do not have to be as concerned about rocks, dirt, and other debris. However, we do need to watch for damage beans.

Stir the Pot – Make the Gravy

While living in the Pacific Northwest, I made friends with an electrical engineer from Picayune Mississippi. He grew up making incredible pots of beans. He was one of the first black students to earn a degree from the University of Mississippi. When I first met him, he had a pot of red kidney beans on the stove that he had been cooking all day. He explained that he would stir the pot as often as possible. Stirring the beans throughout the day made the rich gravy that they enjoyed. I was amazed that beans and water with seasoning could make such a delicious dish.

The second thing I learned from him was the need for high grade beans. He did not buy beans at the local grocery store. He ordered them from back home in Mississippi. His red kidney beans were exceptionally large and shiny and fresh. Fresh beans will soak up their water more quickly than old beans do. As you work with beans, you will come to know their attributes and qualities.

Key to Making Their Flavor Richer and Beanier

When cooking vegetables such as carrots, broccoli, and yams, we try not to boil them as this leaches out some of thier flavor. Beans are no different; soaking dried beans overnight in water and then tossing the water means the beans will have less flavor. There is a better way.

Wash and clean the beans by hand. After rinsing them off, place them in a pan and add water to cover them. Soak for 1 1/2 hours. They are now ready to cook. Do not toss the water that they were soaking. If you are cooking on the stove, now add your seasonings and some more water or vegetable broth. Cook on low heat for 6 to 10 hours, stirring often. Taste beans to determine when they are done.

Cook with Electric Pressure Cooker – InstantAPot

I love my InstantAPot and makes cooking beans a pleasure and a delight. Here is how I now enjoy cooking and celebrate the rich and delightful flavors of beans.

I do not buy my beans at a supermarket. I buy quality-quality beans that are especially selected and taken care of in the process of harvesting and marketing beans. Black beans are a regular staple in my life. Bob's red Mill has wonderful black beans. Rancho Gordo carries a wonderful array of heritage beans with unique tastes. I pay more for my beans because I value the rich flavor that they offer.

I will cover and soak a pound of beans in water with my InstantAPot for an hour and a half. I then add 2 cups more of vegetable broth or sometimes water.

For seasoning, I like to add…

2 teaspoons cumin

1 to 2 tablespoons minced garlic

one quarter teaspoon chipotle red pepper

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 teaspoon oregano

I then pressure cook the beans with seasoning and additional fluid for twenty minutes. It takes the pressure cooker fifteen minutes to heat up, twenty minutes to cook, and twenty minutes for the pressure to be slow release. I come back in an hour for the next step.

If I am making bean soup…

I scoop out one third of the beans into my Vita mix. I add about a cup of water or broth and blend until smooth. I return it back to the bean pot. This will be my gravy that is already seasoned.

I will then add my vegetables…

3 stalks of celery sliced longitudinal and then diced

1 medium onion diced

1 to 2 carrots sliced longitudinal twice and then diced

1 red bell pepper diced in small pieces.

1 Frozen sac of corn

Optional…

Peeled and diced sweet potato in small pieces for texture

or

1 can of hominy

I usually add another cup of water or broth, not to be thick like a stew but thinner for a soup.

I set the pressure cooker for ten minutes. This means, fifteen minutes to build up the pressure and ten minutes for cooking and twenty minutes for slow release of steam pressure.

When I come back, I now add…

1 cup chopped up cilantro

Fresh juice from 1 lime

1 to 2 cups of precooked brown rice\wild Rice

After stirring in all the ingredients, I enjoy a small cup of black bean soup to see if I am satisfied. This is batch cooking, so I divided up 3 to 4 cups for lunches to be eaten this week. The rest is frozen to be used within the month.

Final Key and Secret to Wonderful Bean Soup

Cool it in the refrigerator overnight and then reheat for an improved blending of the flavors. Long ago I determined that same day soup does not compare with next day soup and this is especially true when it involves beans.

You may have noticed that I added rice with the beans and I have added corn with the beans. Other cultures have long ago leaned toward this combination in making a satisfying meal. It quenches the hunger in a delightful way.

I imagine some readers will say, "Too much! Too many steps. Too much to remember. No longer convenient."

My defense would be…

With the CONVENIENCE of store-bought soups we miss the dance. Removing the lid to a prepared soup with a can opener offers no opportunity to examine, explore, and interact with a red bell pepper. We lose the opportunity to develop our own preferences in seasoning with herbs and spices.

We abdicate our choices in how our food is prepared which limits the outcome. The meal I am suggesting offers no fats or oils to the recipe. Nor does it add salt. Sadly, this is how Americans achieve flavor in their foods. And with this acquired taste, they reach for the salt shaker or a dollop of sour cream or shredded cheese.

A quick look at one portion of black bean soup from a can will often contain 500 to 800 mg of sodium. FDA now suggests we limit our sodium to 1000 mg per day.

Home cooked meals without fats and oils and salt do not need to taste bland. On the contrary, a person will begin to develop preferences for various herbs. Thyme, coriander, and Rosemary will begin to play special roles in your cooking. By nurturing a pot of beans that will feed you for a week or more makes the investment of time worthwhile and the enjoyment in the soup makes eating at a restaurant less alluring.

I have refrained from using the health benefits as an argument for homemade beans. I will let the end product stand for itself. But in my opinion, it makes for one mean cup of bean soup! Salude!

The road less traveled… As pointed out by Oprah!

Embracing the reality that we don't make mistakes… On our path of discovery to self.

CLICK HERE

My Man-Time May Be in Jeopardy

I have some serious concerns. A long-time standing and beloved tradition in our family is at risk. Let me explain.

With the family grown and the kids out of the home, we have discovered a wonderful way to create Couple-Timeout. Like those soda drinks, it is "Refreshing" for all. I like to make sure that my wife has her own space too. Here is how it works.

On a regular basis, one of my sons might call to schedule time to visit. Quite often they will come to visit with me over a three or four day weekend. This is when I go to Sweetie and suggest she enjoy a wonderful visit with her sister or another member of her family. She seems to appreciate my thoughtfulness. Concerned that she make the most of her visit, I help coordinate the arrivals and departures of Sweetie and whichever son is coming.

Upon the arrival of my son, our bonding time begins. With sushi from the store, steaks on the grill, and a few munchies that are not normally stocked in our kitchen pantry, we are ready to watch Movies-for-Men-Who-like-Movies. And with the movies being so "Action-packed", we can often go nonstop with one movie after the other.

Of course, some of the daily morning traditions seem to lose out: no shaving, no showers, and no need to make the bed. But even with paper plates, the sink still fills up with pots and pans. Double dipping in the salsa doesn't seem to bother either of us. But we do draw the line on drinking out of the milk carton. We all need some rules.

Of course the wife and I stay in constant contact with private messaging as we express sentiments of how much we miss one another and look forward to her return. The key here is to be sure she shares exactly when she will return home. I am so glad she honors this request. That usually allows us two to three hours before she arrives.

Much like a Code Blue at the hospital, I get a Code W that the wife is coming; we respond. That means, for the first time in 3 to 4 days we load the dishwasher. Countertops typically need to be cleared off and bottles returned to their shelves. The counter is given a good hard scrubbing. While my son takes out the two or three bags of garbage, I check the refrigerator for any dishes that we were supposed to have eaten that needs to be dispensed. We do make some effort to sweep the kitchen floor.

Then is the appropriate time to put on a clean T-shirt for a proper greeting of welcome home.

This pattern for our Couples-Timeout appears to be working. That is until recently. Upon her arrival home, Sweetie seemed especially chirpy and buoyant. I could not quite put my finger on it; I could sense a shift in our relationship. I quizzed her that first night and nothing seem to come to the surface. It wasn't until the next morning while she was making my breakfast that I began to understand what had happened. As she was measuring out my Scottish steel-cut oatmeal, she began to hum to herself. Again I quizzed her; what was going on? This was when her story all came pouring out.

While she was visiting family, two of them went to visit the health food store to buy oat bran for my favorite muffins with nuts and seeds and raisins. As they stood in the aisle, a gentleman came around the corner looking for steel cut oats. This was when Sweetie began to share how much I love my morning oatmeal. My constitution requires it each day. She explained how she would put 1/3 cup steel cut oats with 1 cup of water and then add a handful of raisins. Next she would simmer this for 10 minutes on low. At the seven minute mark she then added the chopped pecans. Once it had simmered, she turned the heat off and added cinnamon and allowed 10 more minutes for the oatmeal to absorb the spices. When I came for my breakfast, she would then pour my almond milk. Of course, I would sprinkle the brown sugar on myself.

When she finished her explanation for making my oatmeal, there was a long silence in the aisle. Finally, the good man spoke and asked, "Are you contemplating a divorce in the near future?" I am sure he was aware that Sweetie was married. After all, we had just purchased a bigger wedding ring so that others would know that she is "spoken for". But still, she took that as a proposal of marriage in the aisle of the health food store.

I don't know what he was thinking. And I don't know what she was thinking. But I do know what I am thinking. My Man-Time may be at risk. I may have to rethink this whole Couples-Timeout thingy. At the very least, I am trying to procure a promise that she will stay out of health food stores unless I am there.