WHY I WRITE

I am sure there are many good and valid explanations of why I write. Some days the reasons for writing will be different than others. Yet part of the reason I write is a Catch-Up Game. I am struggling to crack the code in how women who have lived with a man for a few years already know what they are thinking.

As scary a thought as that might be, yet the realization of the veracity of that statement is put to me again and again. As an example, Anna LaMonte's book, "Blue Shoe" became a page turner for me by page five. I could not stop reading. That is because she was describing ME. Like a mirror held uncomfortably too close to my face, I am challenged to be "ruthlessly honest" as it says in the Big Book.

I tried to read it aloud to my now new wife of twenty plus years but I am laughing too hard for her to make any sense of my words.

The punchline is massacred and the humor is lost among my rippling waves of infectious laughter. So we just laugh for the sake of laughing. Sadly, as a comedian I must admit defeat and let the audience read it for themselves and hope they find it as hilarious as I did.

In her book, Anna describes an ex-husband who comes to pick up the children from his ex-wife.

"… As it was, he took them most weekends, often late on Saturday morning, then dropped them off Sunday nights with an air of weary heroism like a firefighter returning the engine to the firehouse after a particular difficult outing."

As I read this, I wondered, are all men as transparent to women as I must be? Apparently so. Too often my wife will be holding in hand outstretched the object of my  search without ever asking what I needed. And then comment with pride as she walks away, "I know your every thought!"

Between her and God I don't stand a chance. Omniscience is a terrible thing to live with on a daily basis. I am not even Catholic yet I feel the need to offer some Hail Mary's before returning home from a night out with the boys. Upon my return I am wishing there was some form of Mind-Shield to protect me . Thankfully, women can be far more forgiving yet not necessarily forgetting. 

So for me? I write. And I continue to write to learn what I am thinking. My wife doesn't write because she already knows what I am thinking.