Patient wants a “Do-Over”

In our everyday life, our thinking is 99% self-centered. 

“Why do I have suffering?  Why do I have trouble?”

-----Shunryu Suzuki

As I moved from one treatment room to the next and grabbed for the file, I saw the words “Patient wants a Do-Over” pasted to a yellow post-it note.  Confused, I went to the front desk to ask the receptionist what that meant.  She explained that the patient felt I was pre-occupied yesterday when she came in and the treatment didn’t take.  

I was surprised since she was a regular patient over the years that came in every three or four months when she felt the need for care.  She lived outside of town at a ranch that hosted retreats for people from back East who came to Montana to practice yoga. 

Sometimes the ranch would shuttle a guest into town for me to treat as a chiropractor when they injured themselves.  I had a good working relationship with these people so this note was both embarrassing and perturbing.  Most of them lived in a tee-pee or a yurt for the season.  They wore earth tone colors since their clothes were either 100% wool or cotton.  And as vegans, they ate lots of raw garlic that seeped through the pores of their skin to ward off any unfriendly bacteria. 

Reviewing my notes, I thought everything looked good on paper.  Baffled and perplexed, I didn’t know if I should be defensive and angry or open and apologetic.  I went in and asked what was wrong with my treatment.  She responded, “Nothing, you just were not here.”  I didn’t know what to say and stood there hesitating.  She stood up and got on my table and said, “Just fix me.”  So I did.  I paid attention and did the best I could; while not even sure I was indeed “fixing it”.  It was never mentioned again in our conversations but we parted friends that day and I continued to treat her when she needed help. 

Recently, the roles have reversed and I am now a patient and I go to receive help.  It has been a humbling experience.  As the nurses take my vitals I can tell which of them are doing it with me and who is doing it to me. 

It was only years later before I grasp the true importance of mindfulness and being aware of the moment.  Right mindedness invariably results in healthier choices and right actions.  

Our choices reflect our balanced minds and clarity in thought.  And mindfulness keeps us out of the past and the future.  Most of the time, I don’t get any “Do-over’s”.  So being mindful of this moment becomes even more important. 

When we settle into the present moment,

we can see beauties and wonders right before our very eyes---

a newborn baby, the sun rising in the sky.

--- Thich Nhat Hanh

Ripples in Daily Living

When I was twelve, I went to a Boy Scout Camp that was located beside a small lake.  In the evening when the water was still, we would toss rocks in the lake and watch their effect with ripples expanding in all directions. 

 We would heave big rocks, small rocks, and handfuls of rocks to see what effect we could make on the surface of the water.  Today, I have come to believe and am convinced we are all making ripples every day in the lives of all those around us. 

My wife likes to read NDE (Near Death Experience) stories.  I picked up some of those books and found some similarities and parallels in the various writers’ experiences.  Many of them refer to having their life reviewed and flash before them.  Some have described that experience in detail where they saw the people and the hurt to whom they had harmed in the past and had not even a clue that they had done so.  Then they saw the people that they had helped and inspired by their words and example and again, had not a clue they had had such an effect on the lives of those around them.  

To me, that is the ripple effect or phenomenon taking place in our lives daily.  Call it, It’s a Wonderful Life, or Life Sucks; it is the ripples we make in others lives which we will probably never know. 

A few months ago, I read a book called Beyond the Breath, by Marshall Glickman and I made a life goal of eliminating suffering.  Once I grasped the magnitude of suffering in our lives, I found this to be a most noble goal and I follow this path daily to see where it will take me.  I now believe this is the Road Less Traveled as described by Robert Frost.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

Robert Frost

 This path has a three prong approach to eliminating suffering. 

1-         Omit unwholesome acts

2-         Commit wholesome acts

3-         Purify the mind

Shortly after adopting this life goal, I realized that I had hurt someone to whom I had sent an email with a sharp dig.  I did it with intent and it worked. 

 Realizing the suffering I had created for another; I sent a letter of apology and a promise that I would never again do that.  And if I had a problem again, I would seek them out and share my hurt and not react and strike out.  So far, it has been a watershed moment.  I consider closely now if my words will cause hurt or harm to others.  It feels good.  And the weeks are turning into months. 

Now on to step two; committing wholesome acts.  At first, I thought this would be difficult to do with my physical disabilities and limitations.  Not so.  I have found that right mindedness and right speaking allows me a rich means of showing and sharing GRATITUDE. Gratitude is one of the four sublime states of the mind and I use it every day in my speaking and my writing. 

Today I received a thank you card in the mail from a fellow to whom I had recently wrote a letter of appreciation with a gift card.  He thanked me for that gift card but what touched him most was my acknowledgement of his good works and how much I admired him. 

His thank you note will sit here by my computer for many days to come.  It helps me remember, not to forget that we are daily making ripples in the lives of those around us.  And this Thank You note is just one reflection of those ripples that are constantly expanding.

Downton Abbey ---- I Think I Get it!

 Over the years, my favorite quote has remained the same.  It is by Neal Maxwell, a beloved speaker and writer who died of cancer.  He said:

“You don’t get the benefits of a crucial experience

 Without going through the crucial experience.”

I remind myself of this when facing more surgery or dealing with chronic illness.  So, just what is the “crucial experience” that we are all going through?  I think it is LIFE and the associated suffering that is experienced. 

 And hopefully we benefit by this Life experience by eliminating the suffering and discovering joy beyond verbal description. 

I have come to believe that it is a “letting go” process.  As I become less clingy to the things that make me look good to others on the outside and release my grasp to the old negative ideas about self on the inside, I become free of emotional hooks that dictate my reaction to others and to stuff around me.

 

Do everything with a mind that lets go.
Do not expect any praise or reward.

If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom.

And your struggles with the world
will have come to an end. 

And then the benefits that become available to us are the four sublime states of mind.

Finding joy in the joy of others and celebrating with them

Sharing compassion with those who are suffering

Giving gratitude for this moment now

Observing all that comes into our lives with equanimity

This season of Downton Abbey reveals many of the beliefs that create suffering for those who continue to cling desperately to them.  We get to observe people struggling with being protestant and realizing their granddaughter will be raised catholic.  We watch men become uncomfortable with women having a voice in society beyond what men have defined as a woman’s role.  And we sense the intolerance for prostitution, homosexuality, and anything different than ourselves.  Yet, as Oprah would say, “everyone’s pain is the same.”  Meaning, we all become miserable because of our beliefs about others.

And here is the true beauty and wonder of this TV series.  Through these different, difficult “crucial experiences” each becomes kinder and softer and gentler in their views of others.  Or they continue in their misery for yet another season to learn another day that we are one, we are not alone, and we are not separated from one another.  

But most of all, I realize that Life will present to each of us what we need to have and to learn because we are part of something much greater than ourselves.  And anything outside of that reality loses its importance.