How Many Me’s Are There?

The Ego would have us believe that there is a “me” that is unique, special, and gives purpose to our lives.But is that really true?  And do we really need a “me” to make sense of our lives?  It kinda runs counter to our other efforts to become “selfless” in our service to others.  And the paradox teaching of Jesus when he said,  “He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.”  How important am “I”?  And what must I say or do to affirm my value or how many people need know me to confirm the “me”?  The social media of Facebook and Tweeting and You-tube would have us believe that being heard and seen offers us greater self importance and American Idol it’s pinnacle. 

Here is my premise.  There are many “me’s”.  And there is no just one me.  Our lives constantly evolve and unfold and that to define ourselves by some past bad or good experience is futile and just plain an illusion. Life is fluid and not solid.  Like a kaleidoscope, every changing moment and turning event is different and we are never the same.  Our self importance lies elsewhere. 

With laughter, I love to read the story in John chapter 9 of the bible where Jesus heals a blind man and then the town cannot figure out who the blind man is now.  They cross examine the man, then his parents, and then again the man.  And he kept telling them, “It is me!  It is me!”.

The neighbors therefore, and they which before had seen him that he was blind, said, Is not this he that sat and begged?Some said, This is he: others said, He is like him: but he said, I am he.   John 9

Some years ago I sat across the table  at a family dinner from a favorite cousin with whom I had spent a lot of my teen years.  He hadn't  a clue who I was.  Half way through the meal he was shocked to learn it was “me”.  Where was the “me” that he knew twenty years before?  So I must ask; if the “me” is constantly changing, which “me” is really “me”?  I don’t say this to confuse anyone.  I raise the point to suggest spending any time in thought and energy trying to invent or reinvent who we are is wasted.  All part of the illusion that Ego would have us believe.  Just about the the time we decide we can define who we are, it changes.  Again!

One of my favorite movies is The Natural with Robert Redford and Glen Close.  Redford plays the role of a young aspiring baseball player that wants to be known as “the best that there ever was.”  But that dream was destroyed when he was shot by a strange woman.  Sixteen years later, he is still haunted by the loss of this goal that would have affirmed the “me” he always wanted to be.  

In a scene in the hospital where Redford is lamenting his loss of the “me” he always wanted to be, Glen Close gives a wise and telling response to Redford’s self-pity.  She says, “I believe we are all given two lives.  The one we learn with and then the one we live with afterwards.”  Only later does Redford learn that Close had given birth to his son and then had gone about the work of raising a beautiful son in a self-less manner for the past sixteen years. 

For a long time, I bought into this “two lives” concept.  But now I realize that it is much much bigger than just two lives.  There are many ‘me’s”; hundreds, if not thousands; and defining that “me” loses all importance.  That letting go process allows us to Be Here Now and celebrate the true gift of being alive and sharing it with one another.  It changes our daily experience.  And the wisdom we gain and the path we walk in Being Nobody & Going Nowhere, leads us on the most noble exciting discovery and journey of all.

Trick or Treat as a Metaphor for Life

I believe our early child hood experiences with Trick or Treating can be seen as a vivid

comparison to our adult day to day living.  We can become so engrossed in the accumulating process that we miss the delight in being here right now.  I am sure there is a thrill felt in running from house to house collecting ever more candy.  And the strategy of which neighborhood to ring and how late to go and how many houses we can visit as the evening draws to a close. 

It is with a sympathetic smile and chuckle that I recall one of my sons in his younger days racing from house to house with a pillow case, hoping to fill it before the night was done; only to find but a half dozen pieces of candy at the bottom of his sack.  Later he realized his pillow case had a hole that spilled his treasures as he ran. 

The years have passed and neither I nor my sons go out Trick or Treating on Halloween.  And I now wonder if we have gained any more wisdom from those earlier experiences.  Do we still revel in the thrill of accumulating?  Do we still collect and store candy in our sock drawer?  Or have we decided that we have ENOUGH. 

With a wiser understanding of what is GRATITUDE and what is GREED; I would like to think that if I went Trick or Treating, I would go without a bag.  I would ring the doorbell and holler “Trick-er-Treat” with glee and hold out my hand for a treat.  Then I would go to the curb and sit down and enjoy the treat.  Hopefully after four or five more houses, I would go home and say “Boy, was that a lot of fun. And those people sure were generous and kind.” And if I was a really great dad, I would go with my sons and show by example how to cherish the experience rather than how to "get more".

Now I know that sounds pretty ridiculous and even stupid to some.  Yet our daily human experience is predicated on what we believe the world is like.  Abundance or scarcity.  Enough or lack.  And we continue to act out on those very beliefs.  We can be tricked into believing that we need to run faster, do more, and get more. 

But the treat is Life.  Right here, right now.  And oh what a treat it is.

Forty years ago, I sang in a men’s choir and we would open our performances with this song.  And now the lyrics keep coming back to me, reminding me of real gift of life which is life itself.

Look to this day:For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence.
The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendor of achievement
Are but experiences of time. 

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision;
And today well-lived, makes
Yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well therefore to this day;
Such is the salutation to the ever-new dawn 

Lobbing Grenades and NASCAR Thinking

It seems I always learn something from the experiences that my sons have and share with me.  I try to listen closely to their tales.  One son was going through Marine boot camp and was on the training field for throwing grenades.  Apparently there is a very specific protocol to throwing grenades effectively.  And this is one of those specific times when “mindfulness” in training is especially important.  Just going through the motions doesn't always work.  More is required.  And this is what my son suddenly realized as he was holding a live grenade.  Without any further thought he heaved it out and away with it culminating with an explosion in an area that was NOT expected by the instructor who yelled, “Where the hell were you aiming?”  To which he replied, “I wasn't aiming, sir.  I just got rid of it.”

The mind is an amazing tool in our lives.  Unlike the body which needs to be fed two or three times a day, the mind requires to be fed constantly.  We are continuously feeding the mind information to analyze, evaluate, and judge.  This leads some to believe that they can “multi-task” efficiently.  Recently I heard of a driver who was driving with his knees and texting on two different cell phones, simultaneously.  What this really reflects is a “racing mind”.  Like Star Trek, this is a mind going at warp speed and spinning out of control.  Sometimes I refer to such thinking as NASCAR thinking.  Racing at 200 miles per hour and going nowhere but in circles and processing the same tape loops over and over.  And we end up just lobbing grenades everywhere with no known aim or direction.

There is a way out of the box of the racing-mind.  We can indeed take noble control of our minds and slow it down.  Vipassana meditation teaches how to do that with breathe awareness.  It helps us come back to NOW and this moment in time and not to dwell in the future fears and concerns.  We can rehearse the future so much that we lose this moment and change the human experience that we are so concerned about being in control.  In all our mental contriving about what is going to happen next, we can stop the flow of goodness already coming our way.  Soon, we are just lobbing grenades.  Mark Twain understood this toward the end of his life when he said;

“I have had many trying and difficult problems in my life. 

Most of which never happened.”

Yesterday I had a doctor’s appointment at 1 p.m.  We arrived early and left after 3 p.m.  We started our wait in the waiting room, then to one exam room and then shuttled to yet another exam room.  Along the way, we learned that the lab work they wanted last week was not done.  It seemed like someone was just lobbing grenades since last Friday. 

I find this is the best time to practice my breathe awareness.  It can be helpful.  And when finally the visit with the doctor came, our time proved worthwhile.  As my wife and I left the exam room, the doctor shook my hand and put his hand on my shoulder and wished me goodness in his comments.  That usually doesn't happen in my office visits.  I suspect practice of the now may well have affected the visit verses having a racing mind after two hours of waiting.  Besides, who wants to be lobbing grenades all day?   

Whatever harm a foe may do to foe,

or hater unto one he hates.

The ill-directed mind indeed

can do one greater harm.

Dhammapada 42